I am currently sitting here doing my biology homework learning about caner cell and listening to worship music. The song that's on right now is "All you've ever wanted" by Casting Crowns and it's so good, and it makes me so emotional to know that all God ever wanted was my heart and after giving it to Him- I feel so much happiness that I nearly tear up just thinking about it. The Lord has blessed me so tremedously the last 6 months of my life because I let Him into my heart.
Here at UND I've met so many amazing people, I've become part of a Christian community and the Lord brings me such great joy through it. I've also found that my compassion for people have grown more than I ever thought possible, my heart aches for some of my closes friends that have drifted a bit away from the Lord because I know how much my life has changed for the better.
I always seeked my acceptance in guys and worldy things. I was never the partier or got into trouble. But I have had some seriously toxic relationships and I would idolize who I was dating. I became completly obsessed with them, and because I was so selfcouscious of myself and thought that I wasn't good enough, and even though they said they loved me I was convinced that they would find someone better, someone prettier. I may or may not have been cheated on, I don't know- some say yes, some say no- and that was such a blow to the heart.
I've always worn my heart on my sleeve, and I though that sex was equal to love, and all I wanted to feel was loved- so I lost my virginity at a very young age, because I was in love and I thought that was a good way to show it. Sex has been a big part of my life, and I thought that was what I was seeking to fulfill me.
What a lie. I mean, I liked it. But a lot of the time it would make me feel empty rather than happy, I was never satisfied and it made me so much more connected to the person I was dating which made it hard when the relationship came to an end. It broke me more than I could ever have imagined.
But then I came to know Jesus, and He restored my heart. I don't have that emptiness in my heart anymore, and I seek my happiness in Him, and I can promise you that I have never ever been this happy before. I was so emotinally broken, but He helped restored my heart and now I'm guarding my heart rather than giving it to the first guy that gives me some sort of positive attention.
I feel so happy and so fulfilled, because there is nothing I can do to make Him love me more, and there is nothing I can ever do to make Him love me less- what a blessing! He died for me. He died for us all- so that we could be with Him FOREVER, as long as we choose to believe in Him.
He suffered the most horrific death, crucifixion- for us. All of us! What an act of love!
Jesus has done everything for me and His love so perfect, nothing can compare to it!
Sure, I would love to get married someday- but I will not idolize my husband- and I'm gonna quote Brittney Moses here.
"To many women give men Jesus expectations. He can't heal your old wounds, he can't make you whole. Take your broken pieces to the cross. Healthy love realizes that people don't complete people. An imperfect person cannot make you whole. A spouse is a life partner, not a Saviour".
I took my broken pieces to the cross, to my Saviour. He healed me from my old wounds- he made me whole, and I cannot thank Him enough for that. There is only one Jesus, and your significant other is not Him.
I pray that you got something out of reading this, and I just want to tell you that you don't have to "clean up" before you seek Jesus. He wants you exactly as you are, He wants to help you through everything you go through, but you have to let Him.
From the bottom of my heart, I love you.